Did you know this?

[Rob]

I don't know about pretty powerful. He takes a very simplistic attitude towards bullying that resembles blaming the victim. John bullies Isaac so Isaac has to change in order to stop John from bullying him. John now moves on to Peter because he has defeated Isaac. I don't subscribe to the philosophy that the victim has to change in order to accommodate the perpetrator's unknown agenda. A girl should be allowed to wear a short skirt without fearing some boy will make unwelcome advances. She shouldn't have to wear a skirt to her ankles so that some horny boy won't put his hands on her.
The golden rule doesn't work on real world bullies. It empowers them.
I've dealt with too many families who have had a child die by suicide because of bullying to believe the feel good idea that you treat a bully as you would want to be treated.
As for any example Jesus may have set for how to deal with bullies? I wouldn't use him as a poster child of what to do since it didn't work for him. He was crucified. You're right God or not, he was equally dead.

[Rosie]

I am glad I do not have to journal about this no more. We talked about it in class some and now we are moving on to how Jesus would want us to help somebody being bullied and that is what I got to journal about this week.
I don't know what I think about what that man wrote. I don't like to be bullied but maybe I don't know how to change me so I don't get bullied no more. 

She pretended she dumped her milk on me by accident today but I brung a different shirt so I had something to change.  I did that cause it was cold this morning but sometimes now it gets warmer so a cooler shirt is nice to have so I just changed into that. 
I don't want for my mom and dad to do anything cause she has got a lot of friends and I am scared they will beat me up. So it isn't how it was before when the one girl got expelled cause this girl has to many friends who would still be there to get even.
I don't know.

I know my learning disabilities make me stupid next to them but I can't fix them so I got to use the computer when they are writing. I put holes in my paper and no matter how much I practice and try not to it doesn't work and I rip my paper.  I know they don't like that I can use a laptop when they got to write stuff out. I honest don't know.
I try very hard to fit in. I try to dress how they do and I'm always clean cause I shower every day and I wash my hair every day to. I even tried eating a normal lunch and that didn't work neither so its back to string cheese and yogurt cause that's what I like to eat.
Today I took a piece of apple bread to. I shared that with Mali.
I don't know.

They don't like that I get to use my phone sometimes when I feel anxiety coming. I only use it to quick text my mom or dad. I know I'm crazy but knowing they are someplace and I can get them if I need them usually helps the anxiety to get better. I know they don't like that but if I don't do that then I have a real full anxiety attack and then I think I am dying cause it feels so bad.
I don't know.
I don't know how to be somebody else.  She likes to spit in the back of my hair and that is gross but I never say nothing.

[Kim]

No, Rosie.  You don't change YOU for that bully.  Don't let anyone change the person you are.  

[karoline]

Rosie i am happy that you finaly share this. And your mom is right. With you all is ok the girl´s who bully you are wrong. I need a portion of sleep before i can write some inteligent stuff but tomorrow i will.

[Tatiana]

If he's so deep and right, tell me how I was supposed to go from being black to white and how I was supposed to change my vagina into a penis? I was bullied because black women are supposed to be wild but while being accused of having mad passionate sex, I was also being called virgin Mary.
FWIW I've never had sex.
People bully others for the dumbest reasons. Maybe the fat girl needs to go on the diet because fat shaming is her fault? Nah.

[Addy]

That's the problem he doesn't address.  A bully often picks something about you that you can't change.  Before covid there was a girl in my school who made fun of my mouth all the time.  My aunt used to tell me sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me.  She's wrong.  Names do hurt.  Words are powerful.  A broken bone heals but words stay with you.

[scarlette]

The solution isn't the victim insisting on the bully changing, it's the victim seeking justice and letting the bully know she/he isn't going to tolerate anymore of the freaking crap that's being dished out.  The victim needs to do that within the framework of acceptable behavior for society, also known as the law.  I don't understand this sink or swim on your own mentality.  It seems rather callous.
A bully goes after the vulnerable.  What kind of a world tells the victim to suck it up buttercup?  I'm not seeing the logic.  

[karoline]

Rosie you must understand that bullying has nothing to do with you. Not with your look not with your personality not with your anxiety. Realy absolute nothing. Bulliyng has only to do with the low rate charakter skills of the bullys. Such persons search reasons to pester another person and they will everytime found a reason. Not real reasons there is not a logic behind that. Look bullys attack people who wear glasses as example. If the person will came up with contact lenses they would search and found another thing they will pester.
The only real reason why you are bullyed is because this sort of kids are just mean and yes also often evil. And the best way to handle the situation is to make their actions publicly. All should know what they did all other pupils the teachers the bus drivers and for sure their parents.
You must not change anything the girl who pester you has to change a lot.

[mandy]

I asked my grandmother about Jesus and bullies because she's the one in the family who has real religion and she told me that most bullies are bullied by someone too. Maybe their parents. When I bullied it was because I didn't want to be the one being bullied. It wasn't because I really believed any of it. I just didn't want her to start making fun of me.

[karoline]

mandy i am sure that you know that it was wrong what you did in the past. And i am also sure that you never would repeat it. I mean thats the point we can end bullying and that mean that kids who do it get a lection and learn from it and finaly change themself.

[Kim]

Oct 12, 2022 12:38:10 GMT -5 mandy said:

I asked my grandmother about Jesus and bullies because she's the one in the family who has real religion and she told me that most bullies are bullied by someone too. Maybe their parents. When I bullied it was because I didn't want to be the one being bullied. It wasn't because I really believed any of it. I just didn't want her to start making fun of me.

Mandy, bullying is wrong but sweetheart, you were also a victim in it.  You didn't have a real choice.  It was bully or be bullied.  

[whetstone]

I don't think Kalman is saying anything resembling blaming the victim.

I think we need to recognize that we can't control the actions of other people. We can only control our own actions.

Apparently bullying has been around since Jesus' time. We can jump up and down, scream, demand action, demand laws, yadda yadda. None of that changes anything since every bully likely already knows what they are doing isn't "nice". It's already against the rules in schools and workplaces yet it still happens.

What we do have control over is our actions/reactions. How would/did Jesus respond to being bullied? I think that is the point that Kalman is making.

[Rob]

What he's failing to do is to recognize that a bully needs to be held accountable for his/her actions. Just as Rosie's bully was suspended for 10 days and hopefully received consequences at home as well, all bullies should face consequences for their actions. That's where he seems to blame the victim. Instead of working to make bullying too "expensive" to do, he tells the victim to change.
Yes, bullying has been around since Adam and Eve with their Cain and Abel but that doesn't mean we shouldn't work to make it less acceptable, to eliminate it. As a society we can't throw up our hands and say there's always been bullying and then sacrifice the person being bullied.
My mother tells the story of something that happened to her in her teens.  She worked as a waitress at a sandwich shop.  She was young and not hard on the eyes (according to my dad) and the male customers seemed to feel it was okay to make suggestive comments and pat her on her posterior.  It took one time of my dad taking one of the men "outside" to put an end to it.  Word got around that her boyfriend was "crazy" so no-one wanted to mess with her.  The other waitresses weren't as lucky and many viewed it as boys will be boys. 
Boys will be boys.  Something else that is slowly being changed.
We can't accept bad behavior as simply being something that always was and will always be.  We work to eliminate those things that protect the behavior so that we can eliminate it.