This thing called forgiveness

[Addy]

When someone wrongs you and we forgive them seventy times seven, are we allowing them to be miserable jerks to us and others?  Is there a time when the best thing we can do is to withhold forgiveness so the person pays the price for his sins?  Isn't that what God does on judgement day?

[leslie]

My Addy, this is deep! Several times in my life I have been so hurt, forgiveness was the last thing on my mind. A `friend' double crossed me, and I lost a great deal of money due to his stupidity and greed. Three years later, I met him by accident. We shared a coffee and shook hands. Money never was my God, and life is too short to lose friends; obviously, I cannot trust him again, but no longer hold a grudge.Forgiveness is one of our greatest gifts, very difficult at times, but something that God would encourage us to do. I do hope the question is rhetorical, and not the result of someone hurting you.

[Addy]

No-one has hurt me.  Rosie forgiving that girl who hit her is what made me think about this.  It seems if we forgive then we let someone off the  hook and people shouldn't be let off the hook.  Doesn't it make sense to demand restitution before forgiving someone?

[Kim]

We forgive for our own peace of mind.  What's the choice?

[scarlette]

IMO not all forgiveness is created equal.  Some people forgive for their own peace of mind but some people forgive because they have poor self esteem and think they deserve what they get.  So forgiveness can be a good thing but it can be a sign of something going on inside the person who was wronged. 

[Kittykat]

Exactly what Scarlette said. Sometimes it is good to forgive, usually in fact. However sometimes you need to think about why you're forgiving. Are you doing it for that person, or for yourself?

[Tatiana]

You always do it for yourself.

[laurensobuf]

This one is difficult for me to articulate. I think God wants us to love him and one of the ways we express our love is by forgiving others of their sins. I don’t think it is my place to say someone cannot be forgiven, and if God can forgive, why can’t I or more importantly, why shouldn’t I?

I think forgiveness can be empowering because it allows us to rise above whatever was done to us and not be defined by it. By forgiving, we are freeing ourselves from being victimized.

And though we forgive, that doesn’t mean we accept that what happened to us wasn’t wrong. Forgiveness doesn’t change what happened, but a big part of it is about healing for the person who was hurt and allowing them to move on.

[laurensobuf]

Dec 19, 2021 20:12:00 GMT -5 Addy said:

No-one has hurt me.  Rosie forgiving that girl who hit her is what made me think about this.  It seems if we forgive then we let someone off the  hook and people shouldn't be let off the hook.  Doesn't it make sense to demand restitution before forgiving someone?

I don't believe that forgiveness should be conditional, just like an apology shouldn't be conditional. And I don't think it is my place to judge who should be forgiven. I think God wants us to believe that everyone is worthy and if everyone is worthy than everyone is worthy enough to be forgiven.

[Addy]

I don't know about that.  Should Hitler be forgiven for what he did?  Does a mother forgive someone who kills her child?  Even people in prison know there are some people who shouldn't be forgiven.

[laurensobuf]

Dec 20, 2021 12:15:18 GMT -5 Addy said:

I don't know about that.  Should Hitler be forgiven for what he did?  Does a mother forgive someone who kills her child?  Even people in prison know there are some people who shouldn't be forgiven.

I found this and it really says more clearly what I was trying to say:

"Ideally the one who has harmed you would repent and atone for what they’ve done as well. But make sure your healing is independent of that. You should forgive regardless of their attitude. Their sins are between them and God. It is right for someone to face up to the consequences of their actions according to earthly authority and law, and they will also someday stand before God’s face and have to give account for their actions, and God is righteous above all else. But judgment and vengeance belong to God.

It is important to note that forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a choice. Choosing forgiveness will mean that you have to go to God on your knees for the power to forgive. It’s choosing not to let thoughts of hatred rule in your heart. It’s choosing to go to God to find help and comfort instead of dwelling on the past, even when our feelings would rather do anything but. The power we need for this we get from the Holy Spirit."

activechristianity.org/bible-say-forgiving-others

[Rosie]

If I don't forgive someone then I got to stay angry and being angry don't hurt no-one but me.  The person who did wrong to me surely isn't going to care right?  When I forgive I free myself from a feeling that smothers out all other feelings that are good.  It is like walking under a raincloud every day but forgiving is like finding the rainbow.  I think justice cannot be done without there being forgiveness because then justice is revenge.
Something my dad helped me to understand before when a bunch of people hurt me is how they wronged me said everything about them and nothing about me.  He said mostly people are born without wanting to do bad things and then babies want to please their parents and we want to please our friends.  When someone does hurtful stuff it is usually because there is something broken down inside of them so we should feel sorry for them but not let their problem become our problem.

[Tatiana]

I like what your dad says but I do think some people are born bad.

[Kim]

Dec 20, 2021 12:15:18 GMT -5 Addy said:

I don't know about that.  Should Hitler be forgiven for what he did?  Does a mother forgive someone who kills her child?  Even people in prison know there are some people who shouldn't be forgiven.

If Hitler was genuinely sorry for the atrocities he committed or instructed others to commit, then yes he should be forgiven.  However, that doesn't mean he shouldn't be held accountable, responsible for his crimes and it doesn't mean he shouldn't be punished for what he's done.
Taking this down several million notches.  When a child does something wrong and is sorry, a parent forgives that child but that doesn't mean a parent doesn't give a consequence.  It also doesn't mean the parent forgets that it happened.  A parent remembers so the parent can note if there's a bad habit or a pattern to their child's wrongdoings.  Giving forgiveness doesn't require you to wear a dunce cap.  

[charity]

We forgive so the sin doesn't remain in our world and taint who we are.